The key to great communication in love – the 5 love languages explained

What are the ways you feel loved?

Many people ignore this central question of life. Most of us assume that others will have the answer for us without knowing it ourselves. Sounds like a paradox? Well, it is a paradox. And it’s the reason why so many people miscommunicate in their relationships on a regular basis. How can we fix that? With more education and communication. Therefore, welcome to today’s blog which is all about the 5 love languages and how they can help you improve all your relationships.

Love Languages

Today’s content in a nutshell

  1. What are the 5 different love languages?
  2. What is your primary love language?
  3. How can you use this knowledge to improve your relationships?
  4. Why self-love is a crucial part on this journey!

1. What are the 5 different love languages?

In order to communicate when and how you feel loved you first need to know what types of love languages exist and how they play out in your life. So, let’s dig deeper on the 5 different languages to get started.

1. Words of affirmation

If you feel most loved when someone tells you that they love you or sends you encouraging words and affirmations, then this may be your primary love language.

It’s all about words and kind affirmations that make one realize that one is seen, heard, and valued.

2. Quality time

Do you feel most loved when someone spends time with you and gives you their full attention? Then quality time may be the most important language to you. Spending time with them and really paying attention to every part of their being really means a lot to people who have this as their primary love language.

3. Acts of service

This love language is all about the actions one takes. Some people feel most loved when you help them cook a meal, take the dog on a walk because the other person is too busy doing so, or when you help them find a new job. People with this as a primary love language really love the feeling of someone actively supporting them.

4. Physical touch

This is a tricky one since many people jump to the conclusion that physical touch is their primary love language because they enjoy having sex. But this one is not purely about the intercourse, it’s more about the small gestures. The hugs, kisses, rubbing of the back… Therefore, ask yourself this: Is physical touch also the most precious love language for me when I look at my platonic relationships?

5. Receiving gifts

This love language describes the people who feel most loved and valued when you surprise them with thoughtful presents. It doesn’t have to be a big party, a car, or a dinner at an expensive restaurant. Even a small note in the morning shows them that you care, and makes them feel seen, heard, and appreciated.

So, now you have a better idea of what the 5 love languages are about. We may now want to discover when you feel most loved and valued. 

2. What is your primary love language?

Therefore, we may want to ask two simple questions:

  1. When do I feel most loved? (Thereby consider not only your romantic relationships, but also your relationships with family, friends, co-workers…)
  2. What could I never live without? (Thereby consider the 5 different love languages above)

Please know that you, like most people, probably value every single love language. Yet for most of us, there is one or two which we see as more important, and which have a greater effect on us.

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Fun fact: Your primary love language with which you receive love, may not be the one you give the most. Therefore, you may want to ask yourself an additional question:

  • What love language do I communicate the most in my relationships?

3. How can you use this knowledge to improve your relationships?

I often hear people ask, “What is the benefit resulting from all of this?” The answer is very simple: a reduction in unnecessary conflict. Misunderstandings happen frequently due to miscommunication between the parties. And often we fight in our relationships because one of us is unable to see what the other person sees.  

How can we rise above this challenge using the 5 love languages?

Step 1: Even before a fight occurs, try to open the conversation of the 5 love languages with the people you find yourself in a relationship with. Ask them to discover their primary love language and tell them about yours. Have an open discussion about what matters to you most in your relationships and how you can help to make each other feel more loved, valued and seen.

Step 2: In case you find yourself in the middle of a fight, you may want to ask if your counterpart felt unloved, unseen, or unheard because of what happened. Make sure to ask them what they would have needed instead. This also opens the conversation about what is important to them considering the given circumstances. And it allows you to communicate your thoughs and feelings. You will probably realize that both of you were trying your best, you just missed each other’s points.

4. Why self-love is a crucial part on this journey!

When we talk about the feeling of love, we often only consider the aspect of how others can rise to our expectations. Yet we often miss to ask: Do I rise to my own expectations and needs when it comes to love? Do I feel loved, valued, and respected by myself on a regular basis? More often than we may want, the answer is no. Yet, how can we hope for others to meet our needs if we don’t meet our own?

Since you have a greater understanding of the love languages by now, open yourself up to the idea of meeting yourself with your own love language daily. You really value words of affirmation? Tell yourself that you believe in yourself. Your primary love language is gifts? Go and get yourself something that you want and spoil yourself with it. You deserve it!

To sum it all up:

Relationships are not easy. Human beings are incredibly complex and so are our emotions, needs and thoughts. Yet we can still do better work when it comes to communicating what we need. And since the most important feeling in this world is to feel loved, we may tackle this as soon as possible. And you will find that it will not only improve the relationships between you and others, but also the one between you and yourself.

Much love,